


Joshua, Queen of the White House?

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-20
Updated: 2002-10-20
Packaged: 2019-05-30 22:37:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh. Donna. Big Gay Al and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert try to drag Josh out of the closet.





	Joshua, Queen of the White House?

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Joshua, Queen of the White House?**

**by:**   


**Category/Pairing:** Josh/Donna  
**Written:** May 28, 2002  
**Rating:** ADULT for language  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never gonna be mine. Anything you recognize from pop culture isn't mine either. If it was, would I still be this deep in debt? Really, if you want my crappy ass job, truck payment and two emotionally disturbed cats you're welcome to them.  
**Summary:** 9th in the Joshua Monologues Series. Josh. Donna. Big Gay Al and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert try to drag Josh out of the closet. 

* * *

Sam's been looking at me funny the entire staff meeting. Granted it is Monday morning and somebody always looks at me funny on Monday mornings, but Sam's looking like he's not sure whether to be pissed off at me or disgusted with me.

"Anybody have anything else?" Leo asks, surveying the room.

"Sam? Something bothering you?" I ask, putting him on the hot seat. He hasn't spoken to me since he had lunch with Congressman Leonard on Wednesday.

He squirms uncomfortably, looking around at each of us before he opens his mouth.

"Josh, is there something going on that the rest of us should know about?"

Leo and CJ hide their smirks behind their hands, even Toby seems to be smiling slightly. I'm a little confused about what he wants to know.

"Like what, Sam?"

"We've been friends for a long time, Josh. I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't care if you are, you know." He starts to stutter, like he's not sure what he should say or how to say it.

Leo shakes his head. "Just spit it out, Sam."

"There's a rumor going around the Hill that Josh and Matt Skinner were out shopping for wedding rings together."

Complete silence descends upon the room.

I tilt my head to one side, a slight smile pulling at my lips. Oh, the places I could go.

"What if I told you it were true, Sam?" I ask quietly, insinuating truth in his misconception.

"I just thought you would have felt comfortable telling us, your friends, that you are..." He trails off, like if he doesn't say it, it's not true. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. I would have thought that, is all."

That made no sense to me whatsoever. 

"That's it. Everybody out of my office, except for Josh." Leo orders, saving me from having to decipher what the hell Sam just said.

CJ exits last, closing the door after herself, but not before smirking at me.

Leo looks at me for a long moment and then starts to laugh.

I stretch in the chair, crossing my ankles. The cast came off last week and it feels so good to be able to walk on my own two feet.

"An engagement ring, Joshua? You took Matt Skinner ring shopping?"

"Leo, the man has impeccable taste."

"I'll give you that one. How long are you going to let Sam think that you're having a secret tryst with the Congressman?"

"Not long. Mrs. Bartlet and Zoey are helping me set something up."

He raises an eyebrow at me.

"For my proposal to Donna," I qualify.

"Get out."

***

"Hey, Donna. Can I ask you a question?"

Sam looks disturbed.

"Sure, Sam. What's up?"

"What do you know about Josh and Matt Skinner?"

"They're friends. Why?"

"No reason. I just wanted to know how much influence Josh has with him. I might need some help with something later this week."

"I'm sure Josh would be more than willing to help you out."

Speaking of the devil, I can see a mischievous little grin on my man's face as he struts down the hallway.

"In fact, why don't you ask him," I say, pointing out that Josh is headed our way.

Sam stammers something about a meeting he's late for and flees down the hall the opposite direction.

"Hey, what did Sam want?" Josh asks, picking up the mail and rifling through it.

"I'm not sure," I reply as I rescue the mail.

He fidgets some more, playing with a paperweight on my desk.

"What, Josh?" I ask, exasperated with his behavior already. It's only 9 a.m.; this is going to be a very long day of Josh-maintenance.

He props a hip on my desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Did Sam say anything about Matt Skinner?"

"Yeah." I pause, trying to work around Josh, before continuing. "He wanted to know if I knew anything about the two of you."

He doesn't respond to me, he just sits there, lost in his own little world.

I stop gathering files and slam them onto my desk, hoping to get his full attention.

"What do you want, Josh?"

"Sam seems to think..." he starts and then stops, shaking his head. "Never mind."

I glare after him as he walks out of the bullpen towards Communications. A very long day, indeed.

***

I figure telling Donna anything could spoil the surprise. I'll just take Sam out for a beer tonight and fill him in, before he inadvertently tells Donna about the ring shopping.

Sam's in his office, hunched over a notepad, scribbling away. He jerks up when I knock on the door frame.

"Yeah?"

"You got plans after work?"

"I'm meeting with a couple of Democrats from Ways and Means at 6. I should be free after 8 or so."

He's twirling his pen between his fingers, Sam's version of fidgeting.

I lean against the door. "You want to go get a beer after? I need to ask you a favor."

"Yeah, sure."

He doesn't sound very enthusiastic.

***

We agree to meet at a grungy little hole-in-the-wall bar in Georgetown not far from my apartment. 

I'm on my second beer by the time Sam shows up, looking like his meeting didn't go very well.

"They give you a rough time?"

He collapses into the booth with his beer.

"Haven't you figured out a way to abolish Congress, yet?"

"Toby's on that."

"So, what do you need?"

"Sam, I want you to not be pissed off that I haven't told you this sooner."

"I knew it." He shakes his head at me. "I thought we were friends. Christ, Josh, I don't care if you're gay, but you could have told me."

"Sam, enough with the 'you-think-I'm-gay' routine. You're helping rumors that are going to seriously piss off my girlfriend if she gets wind of them."

"Your girlfriend? Is that what Matt wants you to call him?"

Okay, his snide remarks are starting to annoy me.

"Yes, Sam, I took Matt Skinner with me to pick out an engagement ring. Does that make you happy? Do you even care why?"

He drains his beer before answering.

"I couldn't care less," he states, standing up to leave.

I think Sam was late because Sam stopped and got drunk before meeting me. That really pisses me off.

"Sit the fuck down, Sam."

He complies more out of shock than anything else.

"The ring is for Donna, you jackass."

"Donna."

"Yes, Donna. I'm proposing to Donna."

"Donna, your assistant, Donna?"

"Yes."

"Wow." Sam tilts his head and looks me in the eye. "Sorry about that. Not about the proposing to Donna thing, because as far as that goes, I have to say it's about damn time you two got together. But sorry about the saying you were gay thing. How long has this been going on?"

Sometimes following Sam's conversational styling is like following a hockey puck on a power play. It's just all over the place.

"Since just before Christmas."

"You didn't tell me."

Great, now he sounds hurt again.

"We didn't tell anybody except CJ, Leo and the President. And I did tell Matt why I needed his help."

"Oh. I'm like what? Fifth or sixth? 

"Sam, give it a rest."

"So what's the favor?"

"If Donna agrees to my proposal, obviously there will be a wedding."

"That's generally the way these things go," he pauses to take a drink. "Unless she leaves you standing at the altar or something."

"I'll need a best man."

"Yeah."

"I want that man to be you."

"Oh."

We share a long look before either of us speaks again.

"Now will you stop telling people I'm gay?"

***

Since Josh is taking Sam out for a beer, I figured there's no reason the West Wing Senior Assistants Association shouldn't have a meeting of it's own.

Carol, Bonnie, Ginger, Margaret and I decide on an overly trendy brewpub near the Capitol. It's a place frequented by the Hill's interns and junior staffers, not unlike a college bar.

We've been here maybe an hour, catching up on the gossip from our relative departments, when Bonnie knocks me over with a bombshell.

"So, Donna, you and Josh are close."

I nod, closer than Bonnie knows.

"There's a new rumor floating around the Hill."

This could be good for a laugh. The last rumor about Josh was that he threatened to rip the Senate Minority Leader's heart out with a spoon. I later found out that he threatened to use a plastic spork. Rumors about Josh are generally pretty entertaining, because they're usually true.

"What is it this time?"

"Josh and Congressman Matt Skinner have a thing."

"A thing?" I want to clarify this.

Margaret, who sometimes has no tact, speaks up. "Josh is gay, Donna."

I choke on my drink.

Ginger pats me on the back. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"I'm going to have to say I haven't heard that one, yet."

***

Sam and I hooked up with Toby, Ed and Larry after our chat, so not surprisingly, Donna beat me home. She hasn't exactly moved in, but she's here more often than not.

She took over half my closet and two-thirds of my bathroom. 

When we move in together it's going to have to be in a place with a larger bathroom.

I crawl into bed and wrap my arms around her warm body, nuzzling my lips to her naked back.

"You're home," she murmurs, rolling over onto her back.

I prop myself up on my elbow and kiss her lips.

She smiles against my kiss before pulling away.

"I heard a rumor about you today."

This could be bad.

"What's that?"

Her collarbone is in desperate need of attention from my lips and my fingers are aching to wave hello to their friend Squarepants.

"You're cheating on me."

I fake shock.

"With who?"

"Matt Skinner."

"Who told you that?" I ask, kissing my way up her neck while I gently tease her clit.

She moans when I start sucking on her earlobe, squirming to help me hit the right spots.

"Bonnie, Ginger and Margaret," Donna tells me, her fingers toying with the short hairs on the back of my neck. "They heard it from an intern who heard from one of his classmates who is interning in the House Minority Leader's office."

Her fingers have drifted to my ears.

"Donna..." I'm the one moaning now.

"Josh, just shut up and prove to me you aren't gay."

Well, when she puts it like that.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you inside me, right now," Donna pleads.

I roll her on to her stomach and pull her hips up.

She's ready and so am I. It feels so good to sink myself into her.

I'm using both hands to hold on to her hips, so Donna reaches between us, masturbating while I pound into her.

It's not long before I come and Donna is right behind me.

She collapses on the bed. I help her turn onto her back, wanting to savor the mingled taste of us.

Donna's hypersensitive tonight, all it takes is a few licks and she's screaming my name again.

***

Josh is waiting for me at Carol's desk when I get in at 7 a.m.

He hands me a steaming Starbucks cup, the official West Wing peace offering.

"What don't I want to hear, Joshua?" I ask, leading him into my office.

"So this thing with Sam yesterday," he begins, dropping into a chair.

"About you being gay?"

I'm giggling uncontrollably. I can't help it. I'm privy to some of the more intimate details of Josh and Donna's sex life. I can say unequivocally Josh is not gay.

Josh shrugs. In a way, it's easier if everyone thinks he is. Then nobody looks twice at him and Donna.

"Standard non-answer answer?" I prod. "The White House doesn't comment on the personal lives of the staffers?"

"Sure. Don't confirm, don't deny." He stands up to go.

"I feel like I'm trapped in that Nathan Lane movie where the two guys pretend to be straight. Except you're going to pretend to be gay."

He smiles at me. "Hey look, at least you aren't trapped in something like Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert."

"It bothers me that you've seen that movie. Although you, Matt Skinner and Sam in drag, singing show tunes to a bunch of homophobic rednecks in the middle of Alabama would be a sight to behold."

"As long as I get the Terence Stamp part."

"I feel a migraine coming on and it's all your fault, mi amour."

"Me? Cause you problems? Never, CJ."

"Five words, Joshua. Secret plan to fight inflation. Is Leo your next stop?"

"Yeah."

"You've talked to Matt Skinner about this?"

"He's going with no comment."

Ninety minutes later, I'm wrapping up the 9 a.m. briefing when I get the question. 

From the New York Times.

"CJ, does the White House have any comment on the rumors of a romantic relationship between Congressman Matt Skinner and Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman?"

I hand out my 'no comment' line and then get blindsided by a follow-up from Newsweek.

"There are also rumblings that they used the Defense Against Marriage Act to cover up their illicit liaison."

Who the hell uses the phrase 'illicit liaison' anymore?

"First of all Matt Skinner is an openly gay Republican. I, personally, don't understand his support of that Act, but I do know Josh Lyman spoke out loudly and publicly against it. I doubt they did anything in regard to the Defense Against Marriage Act except disagree. That's it. I'll be back at 3."

***

Newsweek's cover story this week is 'Gays in the Government.' They devoted a two-page spread to Josh, stating as a fact that he's homosexual. Which in and of itself wouldn't be so bad, but they also insinuate he refuses to come out of the closet because this administration is homophobic. 

Toby was so pissed off about them calling us homophobic, he pulled Newsweek's credentials for a month the instant he got his copy.

Josh and Leo talked it over with CJ and decided that the best way to handle it was to simply state that Josh feels his sexual preference is his own business and doesn't want to talk about it at this time. That didn't go over well in the morning briefing.

He's been scheduled to do CNN's Crossfire with Mary Marsh for over a week, to talk about the Education Reform package. Doing Crossfire is so much easier now that they're originating the show out of D.C.

The President has already absolved him of anything he says to her regarding the article.

Which is good, because we're almost done with the program and she's been hammering on him the entire show. Josh is doing pretty well; he and the hosts are trying to keep the focus on the bill. He hasn't said anything except this isn't the forum to discuss it.

They're wrapping up the show talking about religious groups and organizations like the Boys Scouts being able to use public school buildings after hours. I didn't quite catch what Mary said, but Josh lets her have it with both barrels. 

"Yeah, 'cause it's me and Matt Skinner spending quality time together at Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary and surfing the highways on top of a big, silver bus singing ABBA songs and recruiting Boys Scouts for the dark side. What difference does it make if I'm gay or straight?"

"It's an abomination before God."

She's trying to suck him into a debate about religion. The show's hosts are just sitting there like they're watching a train wreck in slow motion.

Josh cocks his head at her like she walked into a carefully laid ambush. Honestly, if Mary Marsh were a canary in a coal mine, she'd have keeled over just from his look.

"I'll admit to not being as familiar with the Christian Bible as other people. However, and correct me if I'm wrong here, isn't the one of the principle tenets of Christianity that you believe Jesus Christ is the son of God and was sent to Earth to absolve humanity of its sins? In fact, if I were Christian, I'd just have to confess my sinful nature to God and he'd forgive me? Isn't that what good Christians are supposed to strive to do? Forgive one another for their sinful natures? Why do you seem to have such a problem with that Ms. Marsh?"

At least he didn't say anything about tax fraud. Mary Marsh is sitting there with her mouth hanging open.

Tucker Carlson pitches them to the next show and they're clear. Josh shakes hands with a couple of people and we head out the door.

"You were good back there," I tell him.

"Was I?"

"You were very good."

"Do I get a reward?"

"Maybe."

***

We're done for the day, so I drive us home. 

There's a message on my machine from Zoey telling me to call her; she's solved my problems.

"I'm going to take a bath," Donna tells me.

"Sure, I'm just going to call Zoey back."

I go out to the stoop to watch the sunset while I talk to the kid.

"What have you figured out?" I ask when she picks up the phone.

She sounds excited, so it must be good.

As she tells me what she and her mother discussed, I throw out a few ideas of my own. Before long we have a near perfect plan.

Which should be the first indication that something will go horribly wrong.

***

Josh comes into the bathroom just as I step out of the tub.

He's wearing this pair of glow-in-the-dark boxers I got him for Valentine's Day. In the light, they read 'no' all over, but in the dark, they glow 'yes.'

He calls them his 'I'm-gonna-get-some' boxers.

The only thing about our sex life that bothers me, and believe me when I tell you it doesn't bother me very much, is that Josh very rarely lets me take complete control. He likes to lead. I refuse to complain, but every once in awhile, I want to prove to him that I don't take him for granted.

He brushes his teeth and cleans the TV make-up off his face, slightly unsure of himself with me standing behind him and watching.

"What?" 

He looks at me in the mirror.

I step up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my body to his.

"I love you."

Josh turns in my arms, brushing a stray hair from my face. "I love you, too."

"I want to make love to you."

"You make love to me every night, Donnatella."

I trace the surgical scar on his chest with my fingernail. "I want to show you just how good you were tonight."

He gets a shy smile on his face. "Yeah?"

Taking his hand, I lead him into the bedroom. Josh has already turned down the covers on the bed.

"Lie down." I tell him. 

He makes himself comfortable, while I turn the lights off. The faint purple of the fading sun streaks through the windows, giving the room a mysterious cast.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

He's so embarrassed by my comment that Spongebob blushes.

I sit cross-legged on the bed next to him, giving a friendly pat to his partial erection.

"Donna," Josh starts.

"Shh." I silence him with a finger on his lips.

I take his hand and raise it to my lips. Starting with his little finger, I take each finger into my mouth and skim my teeth over his skin when I draw them out.

Josh has his eyes half-closed, a rare look of complete contentment on his face.

"Does that feel good?" I barely recognize my own voice, it's deeper and huskier than it's ever sounded.

"Very good," he sighs.

I have discovered that Josh responds strongest to feather-light touches, so my hands barely graze him as I run them up his arms.

His sharp intake of breath lets me know this is good as well.

I straddle his waist, settling down just above Spongebob.

A trail of light kisses from where our bodies meet to the hollow at the base of his throat has Josh quivering underneath me.

His hands are running up and down my thighs and back.

Leaning forward, I trace up his chest again, this time with my tongue, treasuring the feel of slick scar tissue. From the top of the entry wound scar, I nibble my way to his nipple, teasing it with my tongue, tenderly biting it, delighting in the feel of it puckering under my ministrations.

His hands reach up to cup my breasts and he lifts up to kiss me.

"Donna." Josh moans my name, his voice full of need and desire. It's highly erotic to know that he needs me like this.

I begin to kiss, lick, nibble and suck my way down his body, leaving nothing unattended.

When I finally reach Spongebob, Josh is laying with his eyes closed, clutching at the sheets to keep his body under control.

In the six months we've been together, I haven't spent any quality time down here. Joshua prides himself on putting my desires and pleasure first, saying he gets his from mine. I just realized I have never given my man a blowjob.

I snuggle between his spread legs and use my fingers to explore Spongebob's two friends, who I will henceforth be referring to as Gary and Patrick. Gary's the one on my left.

Yeah, I know, I just named Josh's balls, but come on, I've got to call them something if I'm going to...

"Oh my God. Donna."

... suck on them.

I check out everything down here, especially that ridge of skin that runs from his ass to his balls.

I'm running my teeth up that ridge when Josh suddenly sits up.

"Stop, Donna. Please."

Huh?

Then I look up at him. He's losing control.

I smile at him. "It's okay, Josh."

He lays back down, warily. I lightly run my finger up and down him. Cupping Gary and Patrick with one hand, I begin to lick at Spongebob's tip, tasting his saltiness.

I take him into my mouth and he's breathing in gasps. I run my tongue all around him, sucking gently and fondling his balls.

"Donna, I'm going to... I want to be inside you when I come," he moans hoarsely.

I can comply with that desire. I quickly straddle his hips again, this time with my back to him. Slowly, I ease my self down.

Josh props himself up on his elbows and I lean backwards until I make contact with his chest.

We both hold still for a moment, Josh is softly chanting my name.

I grind my hips into his with a circular motion and I can feel Josh come inside me. His chanting turns into almost a scream. He shifts his weight slightly when I lift up and reaches between us to tease my clit.

I lose my balance during my orgasm and Josh slips out of me. He falls back onto the bed, speechless.

I'm da woman.

***

Donna is spread out on top of me, her weight a delicious sensation after what she just did to me. She's playing with my nipples again.

Note to self, let Donna lead more often.

After a few minutes, enough blood has returned to my brain that I can speak again.

"Donna?"

"Josh?"

"There's a State Dinner for the German Chancellor next Friday."

"No, I haven't been able to think of a way to get you out of it yet."

I'm slowly stroking her back. "No, I want to go."

"You feel okay?"

"I want to go and I want to know if you will go with me?"

"Joshua, I always go to these things with you."

"No, Donna. I want you to go as my date."

"I figured you'd want to take Matt," she teases me. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

We spoon together. I relish the opportunity to spend quiet, innocent time together. 

"Oh, hell."

Donna snaps me back to reality.

"What?"

"My mom called on Sunday night and I've been meaning to tell you this all week. She and Daddy are coming out here with my little brother next week."

Donna's little brother Frederick is 17. She refers to him as the 'accident.' Her older sister, Patricia, is 32. After Donna was born, her dad had a vasectomy. Evidently, it wasn't as successful as it should have been.

"They gave you a week's notice?"

"He's making noise about wanting to go to Georgetown. This was the only week they could get a full campus tour and all that crap."

"When are they going to get here?"

"Saturday morning. They're staying until the next Sunday."

Have we mentioned that Donna's parents hate me on principle? Her family, and mine for that matter, is on the list of people who don't know Donna and I are dating. A list that seems to be shrinking fast.

Maybe Bruno needs me to go to Alaska and check in with the campaign headquarters...

Next: "The Best Laid Plans"

"Sir, I want to marry your daughter."


End file.
